New Moms Open Up About Unexpected Parenting Challenges in Wholesome and Supportive Discussion

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 21, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Hey, all mommas- new mommas, seasoned mommas, mommas-to-be. We all have preconceived notions of motherhood derived from how our own mothers raised us and the stories they tell us, from the experiences of our friends relayed to us over coffee catch-up sessions, from 90s sitcoms, and from all the parenting magazines, books, podcasts, and Instagram accounts that claim to have all the knowledge we seek to prepare us for child-rearing. No child or mother is exactly alike and so no strategy espoused by a relative or info-graphic is guaranteed to work - in fact, the only guarantee is that you will be surprised by something. In a supportive and wholesome internet discussion, new moms confess what parenting challenges caught them off-guard the first (or second, or third) time around. Read below for relatable stories, sincere confessions, and helpful advice from mothers across the web.

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  • 01
    r/Mommit u/syddoucet 1d • What's something you thought would be easy but realize is challenging as a Mom?
    via u/syddoucet
  • 02
    Before having kids, we are all in the honeymoon stage of "kids aren't that hard" "this won't be that bad" "that should be easy" but then when they are born we learn quickly that some of these things we thought might have been easy, isn't as easy as you thought. For example - an extremely tired person trying to convince a very tired tiny person that they're tired and need to sleep. How naive of me to think "oh if they're tired, they'll sleep" YA RIGHT ✪ 277 ♡ 277 404
    via u/syddoucet
  • 03
    lilypad0606 • 1d You have to feed them every day, like multiple times a day. ← Reply 912
    via u/lilypad0606
  • 04
    FishyDVM . 1d My baby is starting solids and I'm coming to this realization slowly ... I have to feed her??? Something other than milk??? "Oh just feed them what you're having!" I can't feed my baby Tostitos and iced coffee, Janet 656
    via u/FishyDVM
  • 05
    Crash-id 1d I have a 3 year old, we have cappuccinos together every morning. He has the fluffy milk, chocolate sprinkles and a real coffee cup, just no coffee. Soooo maybe you can find a way to both have tostitos and iced coffee Although I don't actually know what a Tostito is ... 23
    via u/Crash-id
  • 06
    K4-SI1P-K3 • 1d Yep. I scrolled down to say this. Finding things they will eat, that are not completely garbage, and don't take eons to prepare: my mom made it look so easy hah I also really don't like cooking and could survive solely on grazing and snacking. 41
    via u/K4-SI1P-K3
  • 07
    Fun Relief9867 - 1d I thought I'd be the bell of the ball when socializing with other parents. I'm great with names, pretty outgoing... Turns out I'm so tired and distracted... I can't even remember my own name at the beginning of conversations. Lots of parents try and so I try...but wish it was more okay to just watch our kids parallel play next to eachother in peace ha. Reply 265
    via u/Fun_Relief9867
  • 08
    Holiday_Guide9830. 1d I INTRODUCED MYSELF AS MY MOM.... to one of her coworkers... At my mom's office. Idk what I'm doing or who I am anymore.. but everyone is alive and we only cry a moderate amount. 41
    via u/Holiday_Guide9830
  • 09
    Material Willingness2 • 1d Yeah I used to be so witty and sharp and now I'm like my brain doesn't work so good anymore. ← Ŷ 15 Fun Relief9867 • 1d The pregnancy brain...it lingers. 9 3
    via u/Material Willingness2, u/Fun_Relief9867
  • 10
    beeeees 1d • gestures vaguely at everything ← Reply 485
    via u/beeeees
  • 11
    Prancing Tiger424. 1d Mom 6 3 infant How often the little ones get kicked out of daycare. Whoops looks like I'm home for two days with this one. Oh they're better now, but kid #2 has it. Oh they're better now. Now you have it . It was bad my middle child's first year of life. Hoping our third baby isn't as bad! She's 4.5months *edited a word Reply + 88
    via u/PrancingTiger424
  • 12
    AggressiveSea7035 • 1d THIS, all the sick time after starting daycare. I felt like we were at the doctor's every week for a year. My job with UNLIMITED PTO told me I took too much time off. ← ☆ ☆ 41 ♡
    via u/AggressiveSea7035
  • 13
    spacesaver2⚫ 1d How sometimes it's not even the mom part but the way society frames motherhood and navigating peoples views and opinions. From the moment I get pregnant there's this pressure - put on weight but not too much weight. Don't drink this don't eat that. Make sure you BF, breast is best. BF doesn't work out for everyone. Let people hold your baby but when u don't want them kissing your baby your a worried first time mom who doesn't know what you're talking about. All the pressure PP to
    via u/spacesaver2
  • 14
    TinyTiny Viking • 1d Imo kids aren't that hard. It's doing literally anything else while having kids that get tricky. Cooking, cleaning, fold laundry, shower, make a grocery list, get groceries, walk the dog, exercise, hobby, groom pets, feed pets, etc.
    via u/TinyTinyViking
  • 15
    You can't sit with your kids all day. needs to get done and you need to breathe to be a person on your own and that's the tricky part. My kids are pretty happy when I'm focused on them and very screamy whiney cry-ey when I try to do literally anything else. But also cooking. I hate cooking and still have to prepare three meals a day to feed my trashcan because my kids won't eat anything but snacks. They'll rather go to bed hungry (which they do because it's dinner or hunger). Reply 267
    via u/TinyTinyViking
  • 16
    Leemage. 1d This. I absolutely remember judging parents who have toys all over their house. I love organizing and having a clean home. But now I'm the sahm with ankle deep toys all over my house. I just don't know how to contain the chaos. It's like Sisyphus with that rock. 64
    via u/Leemage
  • 17
    hashtagmumlife • 1d Definitely agree with the "literally anything else" part lol. I remember thinking my baby was so easy while I was on leave and then as soon as I started work again and had to do other stuff I felt like I was drowning ← 21 Д
    via u/hashtagmumlife
  • 18
    Chivatoscopio • 1d Prioritizing exercise and self care. I thought "oh babies nap. I can work out/bathe/blow out my hair/ relax/nap/enjoy a hobby/not lose my while they're sleeping. marbles Joke's on me I'm always exhausted and have way too much other stuff to catch up on during those always shortening windows of time. Edit: spellcheck Reply 70 ♡
    via u/Chivatoscopio
  • 19
    luckylavender22 • 1d Self care is so hard right now. I used to take a nice long bath at least once a week and now I do it maayyyybe once every 2 months. Don't even get me started on shaving, doing my brows, washing my hair, meditating, reading, or making my "daily" tea. It won't always be like this AA 10
    via u/luckylavender22
  • 20
    nkdeck07 1d • The local park near me has those adult outdoor exercise thingies and it's the only reason I am ever getting in a workout. I've now accepted that I am the "weird" Mom banging out tricep dips. ... ← as Ŷ 4 ♡
    via u/nkdeck07
  • 21
    Traditional_Fudge466 • 1d The gentle parenting style. I used to think I will explain things and my kids will magically understand and not have tantrums. I have realised that a stern tone often works better than rational explanations. ← Reply 132
    via u/Traditional_Fudge466
  • 22
    CASO VioletFarts • 1d Emotional needs? Gentle parenting. Putting your little toddler feet on the table while smiling at mommy after the THIRD GET THE STERN VOICE TIME YES YOU 47
    via u/VioletFarts
  • 23
    RubyMae4 1d • I would still consider that gentle parenting! I would consider myself a gentle parent and often it's "can you do it yourself or do you need my help?" "Do you want to pull the plug or me? " ignores me "no problem I've got this." Translation: this is what we're doing no matter what. I think it's called the no choice choice.
    via u/RubyMae4
  • 24
    I think kids need both. They need to understand but they also need to know there's a limit. My 6 yo wouldn't stop badgering me about something and I told him - you have 3 more times to discuss with me and after 3 I'm not responding. He completely stopped, preserving his chances. He needs to know that I'm not going to let him continue badgering me forever. That's stern but not authoritarian and it's good for him to learn he I can't do that. ... ← ☆ ☆ 13
    via u/RubyMae4
  • 25
    bennybenbens22 • 1d I was so looking forward to reading books to my daughter. She loves books so this should be great, right? Um. Not exactly. It started off great, but now she wants me to read 4-5 books 4-5 times each, multiple times a day. I'm tired y'all. Reply ☑ 60
    via u/bennybenbens22
  • 26
    Alone_Arachnid_7216 • 1d KidTimeStoryTime on YouTube is amazing for when you just cannot read another book! She's very animated and does lots of silly voices. My kids love it! We also do the Be Calm on Ahway Island podcast for relaxing bedtime stories and meditation. No more losing my voice from reading a million books in a row! Д +93
    via u/Alone_Arachnid_7216
  • 27
    kityyeme • 1d We have a 3 book max bedtime routine - no repeats. Last night, I was exhausted and let kiddo read one of the bedtime books "by herself" after I read it the first time... I worry about bedtime tonight. If this devolves into 6 stories then I may invent a time machine to go back and prevent that misscalculation.
    via u/kityyeme
  • 28
    mimale • 1d Date nights and time away alone as grown-ups. Going out for a movie and dinner. We have a great support system and family who love to take care of our little one, but we don't have any "regular" babysitters other than a few friends. Bedtime is hard, and there's only a few people who have successfully put LO down for bedtime other than us. Date nights are pretty much non-existent because we don't want to keep asking family for more babysitting time when they already watch LO every aft
    via u/mimale
  • 29
    The good news is, we love doing things as a family and our kid is great in restaurants/non-home settings, so we get to go do a lot of things out of the house. Just not a lot of time alone together away from our house/after 8pm. ← Reply 26
    via u/mimale
  • 30
    Cat-dog22 1d I know you're not explicitly looking for advice but pretty much our only date nights out have been AFTER bed time, so we get a babysitter to come over, we put LO down, then we go out (usually 8 pm to 11:30 or so!). It's not perfect but it's very chill on our kid and I just need a babysitter I trust for safety compared to needing someone who vibes well with my kid/can put them down! ... रु ी ট18
    via u/Cat-dog22
  • 31
    clockjobber • 1d How long "pretend play" actually feels....five minutes feels like 17 hours. ... Reply û 51 ♡
    via u/clockjobber
  • 32
    Affectionate_Cow_812. 1d Especially when they are toddlers and want to do the same 5 actions over and over and over. I'm like please can we play ANYTHING else. ← 15
    via u/Affectionate_Cow_812
  • 33
    curlycattails • 1d I actually have fun with it but the only problem is she wants to play the same thing, in the same way, over and over again every day. Lately it's pretending that different parts of my body hurt and she needs to fix them. 12
    via u/curlycattails
  • 34
    Andandromeda 3821 • 1d I thought taking kids to the store wouldn't be that. hard. I have never been more wrong about anything. Reply 23
    via u/Andandromeda3821
  • 35
    benetbutterfly • 1d And for some reason it just gets harder as they get older - my boys are 4 and 6 and it's just as exhausting (if not more) to take them to the store as it was when they were 1 and 3 Constantly whining, asking for stuff, touching stuff on the shelves, walking into other shoppers. It's SO MUCH overstimulation and you STILL have to get what you need which is so hard when they're asking a million questions and simultaneously knocking stuff off the shelf I'm ready for school to sta
    via u/benetbutterfly
  • 36
    AIN meredith_grey • 1d Sameee, and travelling. I thought it would be fine and we could just bring the kids along but it turns out that I'm unwilling to the schedule. We still do trips yearly and have a good time but it's a lot more juggling and tantrums and work than I anticipated. We flew earlier this year when the kids were newly 2 and 4 and it went well but it was SO hard and stressful. I'm def not hauling these kids on any more international flights until the smallest is 5 minimum. ← a Ŷ 4 ♡
    via u/meredith_grey
  • 37
    helsamesaresap • 1d Guilt about everything. I thought I could make a good choice and be happy with it but those doubts creep back in. ... Reply 19 ↓
    via u/helsamesaresap
  • 38
    MittensToeBeans • 1d Doing any sort of housework. I thought I would just include my son, do chores during nap time, or after he goes to bed. Cleaning with a toddler tornado behind you is a special form of torture. Nap time is for decompressing after a morning of toddler tornado. After he's in bed I'm so exhausted and the last thing I want to do is clean! Reply û 12 ♡
    via u/MittensToeBeans
  • 39
    GreenCurtainsCat. 1d Dropping the baby off at daycare. I cried for half an hour on her first day. ← Reply 26
    via u/GreenCurtainsCat
  • 40
    goooodmornin⚫ 1d I didn't necessarily think teething would be easy, but I didn't think it would be..... this. I relate more and more to the "everything is fine" dog drinking his coffee in his burning house Reply Ŷ 11 ♡
    via u/goooodmornin
  • 41
    Fantastic_Skill_1748 • 1d Mom to 5M, 3F It is so hard to constantly engage with your kids - pretend play etc. I never thought it would come up this often because our parents' generation and earlier didn't play with us. As kids we accepted that and played alone, but I actually play with my kids, which of course they enjoy. ... ← Reply 19 ♡
    via u/Fantastic_Skill_1748
  • 42
    Responsible_Web_7578 • 1d I agree. My parents didn't play with us much either from what I can remember. Now In today's age, if we aren't constantly engaging with our child then it's neglect! I just can't mentally handle playing with my child all day. I'm not a child anymore and I grew out of that phase a long time ago so the fact that I feel like I have to force myself to rewind time and revert back to my kid self because I'm a mom now is super perplexing. I personally can't do it. Yes I engage
    via u/Responsible_Web_7578
  • 43
    WatercolorSebastian • 1d I've taken motherhood as an opportunity to work on myself. Cooking, cleaning, hygiene are all areas people can take more pride in and work on honing those skills. I want my kid to have a better life than I have and I'm taking the steps to do it.
    via u/WatercolorSebastian
  • 44
    I wish I could eat snacks all day and get to the dishes tomorrow but she doesn't deserve that. She deserves food that will fill her up with proper nutrition and a clean home she can feel comfortable in. I now brush my teeth 3 times a day and floss because I have to show her how to do it but also show her, yes, adults also have to do these things.
    via u/WatercolorSebastian
  • 45
    Come watch mommy do her hair. Yes mommy can do your hair! See how mommy puts the dishes in the dishwasher. Thank you for helping. Let me dump all the warm laundry on you while I fold. Can you pick out the socks? Don't get me wrong I'm so exhausted but she makes me be a better person. I wasn't a quarter of the homemaker I am now. She's my biggest motivator.
    via u/WatercolorSebastian
  • 46
    The most challenging thing about motherhood isn't anything I was told about, but more like the hard parts are dealing with myself. I'm my own worst enemy. I get impatient and overstimulated but I will continue to fight to be a better mama every day. I'm just also super tired. Reply û 20 ♡
    via u/WatercolorSebastian
  • 47
    Dumpybitso • 1d I thought it would be easy to get a baby sitter! Turns out grandparents are terrible. Baby sitters are expensive, and by the time you're ready to get out the door you're too exhausted and it's not worth it. Also. Everything. Reply Ŵ 8 ♡
    via u/Dumpybitso
  • 48
    UnihornWhale • 1d All of the stupid little details like the names of all the Cars TM cars or characters from the Tomorrowland cartoon that have booted out important adult information. World history and geography? Into the memory hole to make room for Doug Crankle and Spectryx. Reply Ŵ7 ♡
    via u/UnihornWhale
  • 49
    kidsandthat • 1d The realization that you've thrown a grenade into your life and there is no going back. Reply û 14 ♡
    via u/kidsandthat
  • 50
    Crash-id 1d · Marriage. It's really hard with kids. It challenges you in whole new ways. No time for each other. Both exhausted. Sometimes aggravated that one gets to have a somewhat adult life whilst the other is struggling at home. It's hard somedays. ← Reply ☆ ☆ 7 ♡ 73
    via u/Crash-id

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